Piddle, Twiddle, and Resolve
The play and movie 1776 is a beloved musical loosely based on the deliberations of the Second Continental Congress in Philadelphia in June and July of that momentous year. It focuses on the bombastic John Adams, the witty Benjamin Franklin, and the eloquent but enigmatic Thomas Jefferson, their colleagues in the Congress - and the unlikely adoption of American Independence.
There is a humorous prayer of frustration offered up by John Adams as a song, called “Piddle, Twiddle, and Resolve.” The lyrics include:
I do believe you've laid a curse on
North America
A curse that we here now rehearse in
Philadelphia.A second flood, a simple famine
Plagues of locusts everywhere
Or a cataclysmic earthquake
I'd accept with some despair
But no, you sent us Congress
Good God, sir, was that fair?You see, we piddle, twiddle, and resolve
Not one damn thing do we solve
Piddle, twiddle, and resolve
Nothing's ever solved in
Foul, fetid, fuming, foggy, filthy
Philadelphia.
Unlike the piddling, twiddling, and resolving that eventually did something - like declare independence and secede from the British Empire - our church conventions are truly piddling, twiddling, and resolving - and indeed, not one damn thing do they solve.
They take a whopping amount of time and money, and a huge investment in mental energy, as people spend hours upon hours crafting official sounding whereases and resolveds - send them into a political meat-grinder known as a floor committee - bring them to the floor of district conventions with sometimes agonizing and head-splitting debate over striking a word here and adding another word there. It is sometimes enough to make a pious Lutheran believe in Purgatory. There are debates and votes and the occasional parliamentary prestidigitation that leaves the delegates bewildered. There is the Behnken Rule and the frequent singing of the Common Doxology. There are friendly amendments and tabled motions and the calling of the question. And after delegates push the buttons on their little gadgets, motions are adopted or defeated, secretaries record every vote, and then the districts and synod go to great extent to promulgate these results. Memorials are sent up to the synod, where more piddling, twiddling, and resolving happens.
And not one damn thing does it solve.
I remember being a layman in Georgia in the 1990s when the Florida-Georgia District was in open rebellion against synod’s resolutions about closed communion. They had their own little dog and pony shows to piddle, twiddle, and resolve about open communion. None of these resolutions affirming closed communion accomplished anything. Thirty years later, open communion remains rampant, and all of synod’s horses and all of synod’s men - and sternly-worded resolutions - are still impotent.
Then there are the “Beavis and Butthead” resolutions that use flowery legalistic language only to say, “Resolved, we don’t like things that suck.” Sometimes the resolutions will say: “Whereas Good Things are Good and Bad Things are Bad, Resolved, we support Good Things and we denounce Bad Things. We memorialize synod in convention assembled to likewise affirm Good Things and denounce Bad Things.” Then there are the Tom Petty resolutions, in which we resolve to “love Jesus, and America too.”
And after hundreds of hours of wordsmithing, agonizing over editing, being run through committees, subjected to debate at a convention in which thousands and thousands of dollars are spent - nothing actually happens.
It is adorable how zealous pastors and lay delegates work themselves into a froth thinking they are making a difference. And I know some people love this stuff. Others are happy to have an excuse to get away, stay in a hotel, and have a few beers with friends - and that is not for nothing. But at the end of the day, our congregations are autonomous, our synod is advisory, our presidents are not members of our congregations, and we own our own property.
It is extremely rare for anyone to be removed from synod - whether pastor or congregation or school - unless, of course, there is a sexual issue or a matter of political extremism. And even then, left-wing extremists have carte blanche to do and say what they want with impunity.
Decade after decade goes by, and we still have the scandal not only of open communion, but of lady deacons vested in albs and stoles. We still have thousands of congregations flouting Article 24, we have a lady praise-band singer “consecrating” the elements during worship (still unaddressed a year later), we have seen a deaconess vesting, leading a service, “absolving,” “preaching,” and officiating over a confirmation (and still she remains on the roster) - and no resolution will make any difference. We have pastors walking right up to the line of excusing, endorsing, and celebrating deviant sexuality, with one even arguing that we should not exclude “married” same sex couples from the Holy Sacrament since they don’t think they are sinning, and another casually mentioning that “we celebrate, yes, celebrate Pride Month, the month where we see people for who they are.” Another pastor officiated at a homosexual “wedding” and remains on the roster. Ditto for a former member of our hierarchy who took part in the “ordination” of his daughter. In fact, the people who are scandalized by such things are treated as the scandal, and are the only people threatened with discipline. Nothing will happen to any of these people who are bringing harm to our church and faith.
And no amount of piddling, twiddling, and resolving will make any difference.
So if you want to have an impact on the church, resolutions and memorials and floor committees and debates are not really the way to do so. I’m not suggesting surrendering the field - and I do think it is important to elect faithful leaders - but keep in mind that, concerning resolutions, winning won’t accomplish anything, and losing won’t really hurt you. So, if you win, don’t get too excited. If you lose, shrug it off. It doesn’t matter.
If you pastors want to actually make a difference, teach your parishioners in Bible class and in preaching. If you laity want to do something other than piddle, twiddle, and resolve, go home and make babies with your spouses (or encourage your own offspring to do this), baptize them and raise them in the faith. Catechize the children. Instill a strong sense of Lutheran identity. Bring them to church. Show them what a treasure the liturgy is, because that is where Jesus is. Teach them the Bible and the Book of Concord - especially the Catechism. And you can also have influence thanks to the Internet - the Gutenberg Press of our own day. Write books. Author articles. Go on podcasts. Try to reach young people and convince them to marry young and have lots of children - to raise those children in the faith, and invest their time in Word and Sacrament rather than piddling, twiddling, and resolving.
The Word of God is what is effective. At the end of the day, nearly every resolution and memorial will end up in the paper shredder, not to make as much as a footnote in a journal entry even a decade down the road.
But by all means, if you do attend your district convention, enjoy a beer or a cocktail with your friends and colleagues. Consider it your payment for the rest of your time being wasted piddling, twiddling, and resolving.
As a postscript, I have to include a couple of patristic gems unearthed by Fr. William Weedon, both from Archbishop St. Gregory of Nazianzus (ca 329-390):
Synods and Conventions I salute from afar, since I have experienced that most of them (to speak moderately) are but sorry affairs.—St. Gregory of Nazianzus, Letter CXXIV.
For my part, if I am to write the truth, my inclination is to avoid all assemblies of bishops, because I have never seen any Council come to a good end,
nor turn out to be a solution of evils. On the contrary, it usually increases them. You always find there love of contention and love of power (I hope you will not think me a bore, for writing like this), which beggars description; and, while sitting in judgment on others, a man might well be convicted of ill-doing himself long before he should put down the ill-doing of his opponents.— St. Gregory of Nazianzus, Letter CXXX.