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Gottesblog

A blog of the Evangelical Lutheran Liturgy

Yeah, that's the ticket!

Ticket.jpg

Sobering news out of the Great White North.

Being a little more European than we are, and lacking a Bible Belt, the National Trust for Canada is reporting that a third of the churches in Canada will likely close within a decade.

Of course, this is all President Harrison’s fault (or President Trump’s - depending on which subset of the progressive movement you ask). As one Canadian church-crat spins the situation, “I think it can be argued we don’t have a shortage of personnel. We have an overabundance of infrastructure.” How is that for a euphemism? It shows that deep down inside, we’re all the same the world over: church politicians are all cut of the same jibber-jabber. Doesn’t it just raise a lump in your throat? Can a rousing round of Kumbaya be far behind?

The issue is actually that there is a layman shortage.

And that’s clearly Harrison’s fault.

CM Staff Meeting at the Pak-n-Ship in Naples, Florida?

CM Staff Meeting at the Pak-n-Ship in Naples, Florida?

But what could be the solution to the devastation of Western civilization owing to the decay of an increasingly narcissistic and nihilistic culture? What can we do about a plummeting fertility rate among North Americans, and an increasing number of younger people who have no interest in being called to repentance or being part of the Bride of Christ? What is the solution to postmodernism that refuses to acknowledge objective reality, combined with government hostility to things like the radical idea that marriage is between a man and a woman (the horror!)? How do we respond to a society that aborts children by the millions and sees humanity as the problem in search of a “final solution”?

The answer is easy.

Besides getting rid of Harrison (well, duh!), we could do what always grows the church and raises the piety of Christian people (in addition to turning worship into entertainment, of course…): form a political group with slick marketing that trucks in character assassination.

”Yeah, that’s the ticket!”

Have them operate out of the Pak-n-Ship in Naples, Florida with a “suite” number for a return address. Endorse a couple of messianic candidates that will save Christian civilization and grow the church with programs, promises, pens, pads, and pins. Endorse candidates (ABH: Anybody But Harrison), and always insinuate, use innuendo, and explain everything in the sleaziest way.

And even if your own putative saviors can only report diminishing numbers, don’t worry about it! For when it comes to church politics, it isn’t the truth that matters!

Remember, get rid of Harrison, and Christendom will prosper.

“Yeah, that’s the ticket!”